No sooner had last season’s slow extrusion through covid ended that there was talk that it was time for pre-season. The very fine physical specimens that make up the Goldens collectively moaned “You’ve got to be bloody joking…” in at least seven different accents before reaching for their magnesium salts and strapping on their still warm and dusty boots to follow the sun around another footballing season. Bodies of this age require a bit of time to get moving, a bit like the muscle cars of the 70s. Gorgeous to look at, loud as a foghorn through desolate late night streets, often requiring the gentle touch of a heavy mallet to get moving, all the while consuming copious amounts of gas. Not as zippy as the muscle cars of today, but once they get going can still chase them around the track with all the elegance and grace of a bulldozer. And so it was for the Goldens.
While the oddly comforting smell of beer, Dencorub, sweat and three types of freshly cut grass embraced Blick in a warm hug, and just after a diplomatic masterclass by Rob and Richie in ‘how to sort of maybe throw a game but we promise we didn’t CDSFA’ (which required an oscar worthy performance from DD), covid cruelly curtailed us. Dav was so outraged he buggered off to Perth, whose borders will surely mean he can “make the impossible possible” by playing all the football he bloomin’ well wants to. We’ll leave the debate about whether we would have lifted the silverwear of victory or the aluminium cans of defeat to the pundits.
The real shame is that we couldn’t spend more time kicking balls around together. We were bolstered this year by the addition of a few team members that brought the average age down to something easily closer to 45. There was some real optimism about the Ash-Niko-Mark engine room of goals. Seb and Riki were finally accompanied by people who shared their foot speed on the flanks in Loris and Clay and the triumphant return of Akio. At least 10% of us are in the top 1% of Fantasy Football pundits internationally. Ale was back to destroy the opposition with his mix of crafty footwork. Connor’s moustache was as impressively imposing as Niko’s Tiktok profile is prolific. Even Murphy was chomping at the bit and, on the football side, continued to find good reason to shout at Paulie.
Despite the brevity of a disappointing lover, the season still provided some highlights, including…
* Ash winning the ‘best head’ competition with the two he scored against Burwood. He said it was the first time he scored two heads in 15 years (the poor guy…)
* DV demonstrated to the team the most innocuous way to completely destroy your shoulder
* Koji continued to show that age is just a number by playing in as many different positions, including on the field, as he has appeared in Niko’s socials
* Andy turned back the clock with some stunning new pearly whites to accompany his stunning peachey passes
*Based on statistical projections, DD was most likely to lose the Golden’s Golden Boot for the first time since at least the mid 80s to Mark
Richie and Rob have done a tremendous job once again in cajoling a bunch of vagabonds, drunkards and social media influencers into a cracking amateur Saturday league outfit, and we thank them for their tireless cattle prodding.
See you all again next year.